As we enter Yom Kippur, the theme on
everyone’s mind in teshuvah. This is what we have been working on this entire
period starting from Rosh Hashanah, and really since the beginning of the month
of Elul. With Yom Kippur, it all comes to a head and then it ends. Or does it? Perhaps
we do not truly understand what teshuvah is. Of course it involves atoning for
our sins and committing to being better Jews. But does the teshuvah process end
with Yom Kippur or is there something beyond?
In everything we do, the Yetzer Hara is
there to slip us up. This includes everything from walking down the street to
eating, sleeping, and even learning and davening! But if there is one thing we
would say we are safe from him we would say it is teshuvah. In the time we
spend thinking over our actions and trying to become better people, these lofty
thoughts surely keep us safe from his influence! In this time our thoughts are
pure and are completely our own. In reality however, this is not true.
The Arizal brings a famous medrash that
right before leaving Mitzrayim, the Bnei Yisrael had reached the forty-ninth
level of tumah (impurity), and if they had not been taking out immediately
would have slipped to the fiftieth and lowest level, from which they could
never have risen and therefore could never have left Mitzrayim. This does not
seem possible as Bnei Yisrael were on this same level before the plagues
started and had only increased their level of belief in Hashem as they saw the
Egyptians being punished time after time. So how could they still be on such a
low level after all ten plagues had occurred? The Arizal explains that with each
plague, Bnei Yisrael’s faith in Hashem increased along with their level of
purity. However, as long as they had not reached their full potential, there
was no need to remove them so quickly from Egypt. However, once the first-born
were struck and Bnei Yisrael had complete faith in Hashem, they had to take a
step up in kedushah and leave Egypt, otherwise, they risked falling all the way
back down to the lowest level of tumah. We can use this explanation to
understand the Yetzer Hara’s plan and how we can combat it.
R’ Shalom Schwadron ZT”L, known as the ‘Maggid
(Preacher- for lack of a better word) of Yerushalayim’ in his lifetime,
explains in his sefer, Kol Dodi Dofek, that far from leaving us alone,
the Yetzer Hara even encourages us to grow during Elul. In fact, he
wants us to reach all the way to the heavens! But only as long as our feet stay
on the ground. With all our tefillos, fasting, and selichos during Elul, he has
decided that it’s not worth the fight; his primary goal now is to make sure
that the effects of this month don’t last. If he can keep our feet on the
ground during Elul and Tishrei, then eventually our heads will follow us back
down and we will settle into our old ways. He says, “Let them daven and make
all the commitments they want! Eventually they will forget the whole thing.”
R’ Shalom explains that sometimes all
the holy, lofty thoughts we think during Elul are part of a ploy by the Yetzer
Hara. He fills our heads with too many thoughts to process all of them. We get
really excited by all the amazing new opportunities awaiting us, but with so
many ideas, we do not know what to do with all of them and end up doing
nothing! What a frightening thought! One thing is certain, it is better to not
have thought at all about teshuvah than to have thought about it and done
nothing.
So how do we combat this? Are all our
hopes and dreams for the new year destined to fall by the wayside? What can we
do to protect ourselves from the Yetzer Hara? The answer is found in the Arizal
we brought earlier. Just like the Bnei Yisrael left Mitzrayim right when they
reached their high level of kedushah, the trick is that as soon as we reach the
high level we so badly seek, we must immediately act upon it! The Yetzer Hara
is letting us ascend during Elul with no resistance, let’s use this boost to
stay there! The key is to make sure we act upon our dreams immediately. This is
the real definition of teshuvah: that we atone for our sins and then change
who we are forever into someone better. Taking our thoughts and acting
upon them. This is teshuvah in its truest form.
Changing is not easy, but it’s even
harder when you do not truly want to change. The Ohr HaChaim writes in Parshas
Balak (Bamidbar 23:10) that he spoke to a few known reshaim who told him
truthfully that they would love to do teshuvah, but only if they would die
immediately afterwards. They knew what they were doing was wrong, but they did
not want to change. Let’s take their statements at face value, perhaps they
really did want to do teshuvah and maybe they really would have changed. But
still, this is not enough! You cannot do real teshuvah and die, you must show
how you have changed! You must live as a ‘Baal Teshuvah’! This is a
question we must all ask ourselves; I truly believe that everyone reading this
Dvar Torah would be more than willing to die to sanctify Hashem’s name, but how
many of us are truly willing to live for it?
Standing here on the edge of Yom Kippur,
we have traversed the Aseres Yimei Teshuvah and have hopefully prepared
ourselves well for this holy and special day. The next step we must take is to
live out our changes. R’ Shalom gives a tip that on top of whatever you do
before and on Yom Kippur, after the fast you should make a new commitment for
the year. This way you can immediately show that this time period has had an effect
on you and you are ready to live with your teshuvah. When the fast ends, let’s
give ourselves a pat on the back for a job well done, and then get right back
to work, because living is what we are committing to this Yom Kippur.
May this be a zchus for us to have a healthy, happy, year full of peace between
all Jews. And may this be the year we see the final Geulah.
Gmar Chasima Tova and Shabbat
Shalom!
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