Near the end of Parshas Ki Seitzei, the
parsha begins to discuss a variety of “life event” topics that are important to
know. Among these, it discusses marriage and divorce. The pasuk dealing with
divorce has one of the most famous rabbinic discussions attached to it. The
pasuk says, “וְהָיָ֞ה אִם־לֹ֧א תִמְצָא־חֵ֣ן בְּעֵינָ֗יו
כִּי־מָ֤צָא בָהּ֙ עֶרְוַ֣ת דָּבָ֔ר” “And it will be that she (the wife) will not find favor in
his eyes, for he found in her a matter of immorality” (Devarim 24:1). In
this case, the pasuk says you are allowed to divorce your wife.
In the last Mishna in
Maseches Gittin, there is a famous discussion about what qualifies as a עֶרְוַת דָּבָר. Beis Hillel says simply burning her
husband’s food is a good enough reason. Rabbi Akiva says that even if he finds
someone more beautiful than her, he is justified in divorcing her. This
obviously is a puzzling Mishna. The pasuk uses the word ערוה,
meaning immoral, to describe the woman being divorced. How are these examples
of immorality? And even if the pasuk used a different description, burnt food
and outer beauty are reasons to get divorced? What is the machlokes here
between these great rabbis?
Rabbi Yaakov Kaminetzky
explains that the Torah is teaching us about the concept of marriage. Burning
food is a ridiculous reason to end a relationship; the Torah is teaching us
something profound about relationships. Every man and woman must look at their
spouse like she/he is the wisest, most
beautiful, most wonderful person they know. And while they may not like certain
traits their spouse possesses, it shouldn’t take away from their overall image
of them. However, if their relationship arrives to the point where burnt food
is equated with immoral activity, where you are tempted by outer beauty even after
everything your spouse has done for you, it is obvious and apparent that this
relationship will not last and the Torah allows you to get divorced. So it’s
not the fact that she burnt his food that he is allowed to divorce her, it’s
what his reaction to the food represents.
This level is not an easy one to reach, to
have two totally different people come together and develop such high opinions
of each other. But marriage itself goes against the laws of nature, as
evidenced by another famous statement of Chazal found at the beginning of Maseches
Sotah. The Gemarah explains that Hashem is the true source of every proper
marriage. Then the Gemarah explains further, “וקשין
לזווגן כקריעת ים סוף” “It is hard (for Hashem) to make couples
like the Splitting of the Red Sea” (2a). Rashi explains this statement that
just like Hashem had to change Creation in order to split the sea, pairing
couples together also requires a change in nature.
But why does the
Gemarah say it is difficult for Hashem? He is all-powerful; changing
nature for Him is easier than lifting a finger is for us! What difficulty does
He have in splitting the sea or making shidduchim?
Reb Yaakov explains
that Hashem created the world in total perfection; the way the world runs on a
day-to-day basis is the best way for it to be run. The sea wasn’t supposed to
be split, it was always supposed to remain whole. By splitting it, Hashem made
nature less than perfect since it was in an unnatural state. So to change
nature is “difficult” for Hashem since He is removing perfection from the world
(though it’s being done for a greater purpose).
It works the same way
with couples. Man was created alone, so by nature, he was meant to be alone.
However, Hashem has constantly and continuously changed the nature of the world
and placed people together. This is what makes shidduchim so “difficult” for Hashem.
So while it may be difficult for us to place those we love on pedestals, if Hashem
is willing to remove His perfection from the world, we should be even more
willing to do the same.
Shabbat Shalom!
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